The Brain, the Heart & the Vagina

“Here's my philosophy on dating. It's important to have somebody that can make you laugh, somebody you can trust, somebody that you know turns you on... And it's really, really important that these three people don't know each other.”~ Brooke Davis

         Sometimes, I don’t think one man will be able to live up to my expectations. And like one blog commenter stated, “expectations lead to disappointment.” So once upon a time, long, long ago, I decided to live nonchalantly and date carefree. In that moment, I came across three men, who combined made the perfect man.

The Brain

          A mind is a terrible thing to waste. But so many men do exactly that by wasting their God given brain by selling drugs, gang-banging, dropping out of school, or entering prison.  In this dating era, I feel it is a blessing to encounter someone who is able to use his intelligence to his advantage, and can engage in thought-provoking conversation. Lucky me, I met “J.R.R. Tolkien”.

J.R.R. and I had great dates, and future plans to go to museums, Broadway plays, and travel the world together.  But if someone looked in on our relationship, they would think all we did was argue. However, to us, we had great debates.  What I appreciated about J.R.R. was that he mentally challenged me to think outside the box. With J.R.R., I could talk politics, philosophy, world history, and law.  Although he was intellectual, he was surprisingly very relatable, and involved in his community.  I admired J.R.R. because he truly wanted to use his intelligence for good in order to make a difference in his hometown community. I truly believed together, we would make a power couple who would change the world. I could see him winning mayor or governor and myself becoming the mayor’s or the governor’s wife.

However, J.R.R.’s brilliance didn’t read very well into the bedroom.  I tried to give him guidance, but for someone so smart, he was unable to follow my helpful directions.  I even explained to J.R.R. the importance of listening to each other’s needs. Although he agreed with me, his words never amounted to action. In the end, I no longer wanted to have sexual relations with him because he could not stimulate me sexually like he did mentally.  My lack of sexual desire for him turned us both off.  And my dreams of being a power couple slowly came to a halt.  I wasn’t sad. Instead, I continued to ride the roller coaster until I couldn’t ride anymore.  Even though my brain was satisfied, the truth was that my heart belonged to someone else.

The Heart

           It has been my experience that when my heart becomes involved, my brain and my heart become enemies.  My brain gives my heart logical explanations, none of which my heart wants to hear. And even though I tried to make my brain forget about him, my heart remembered who he was. My heart never lets me forget.  He shall remain a "mystery". 

          In my eyes, what we had was beyond lust. It wasn’t shallow.  We had a great friendship where I could tell him anything. We connected. What we had meant the world to me, but apparently just me. My heart was caught up and left unprotected, which subjected me to experience both joy and pain.  Joy because whenever we spent time together, I was happy being with him.  I put down my guard, and I shared with him my highs and lows and my strengths and weaknesses.  I never masked who I was. With him, I never had too.  Too many, I appear complex and mean, but he was for the most part, always able to see through me. 

With him, I saw a great big smile, and a warm heart.  We didn’t have profound conversations, but he was smart enough to comprehend the underlying messages of all my witty jokes. I saw so much potential in him and in us.  However, my heart failed to come to grips that potential sometimes can’t suffice. Furthermore, my heart refused to accept his imperfections. Instead my heart tried to compensate his faults by only focusing on his good qualities.

We had so many highs. But with the highs, there were so many lows.  Eventually the lows were outnumbering the highs. Just when I thought we were at a great point, he would always do something to leave me in despair and disappointment.  My heart strings were pulling so hard that I couldn’t think straight.  I wanted us to work out, more than he will ever know. But in the end, we had to part ways. Me, with a broken heart! Broken heart equals me in emotional pain. In looking back, I stayed to long. I naively hoped he would realize what we had.

“People always leave…but sometimes they come back.” (Peyton Sawyer). But even though people come back, I had to realize that it does not mean the person has changed or I have changed. Leopards don’t change their spots, they only re-arrange their spots.  Sometimes failure to change can lead us back down the same upsetting road. Although it led me back into frustration, it was nothing like the first time. Because this time, I had a brainiac to provide me with great conversation and great dates.  Moreover, I had my vagina….

The Vagina

          “Mr. Clean” is the nickname I gave my frienemy. From a far, he seemed like the ideal candidate for me.  But regrettably, my wholesome Mr. Clean was whoresome.  Prior to my conclusion of his whorish tendencies, I had several business encounters with him.  He conducted himself very professional; he was very well-spoken and appeared to be bright. However, I wasn’t sure if he was down to earth or could let loose.  

So when I saw him at the club, I was initially shocked to see him. However, he showed me that he could definitely let loose.  When we danced, it was like we were having sex on the dance floor. I realized I didn’t know him but I had to have him. From our dirty dancing, I realized he understood me sexually.  I doubted that I would ever need to give him sexual instructions on how to please me.  So when he asked to come over after the club, I used my brain over my vagina, and passed up his offer.  

A few weeks after our club encounter, I was able to conclude my Mr. Clean was a whore.  Even though he was a whore, I decided to use his services to benefit my vagina.  I rationalized my vagina deserved to be treated to some good sexual maintenance to help me heal my broken heart.  So I hired him in order for my vagina to reap in some sexual gratification.

We were definitely sexually compatible!  From the moment we took our clothes off, he was able to satisfy me without me having to coach him. The sexual services he rendered made me forget my broken heart. But sometimes good sex comes with consequences like lust. Many women, including myself can mistake lust for something else. Now I wasn’t in love, but Mr. Clean did intrigue me. Although I didn’t know him completely well, Mr. Clean liked to have share time, where we would converse after sex. During our pillow talks, I managed to get some insight on the guy I was sleeping with.  But getting to know him was actually why I could never fall in love with him. We share a similar trait (which I will reveal in another blog) that can be both good or bad. With Mr. Clean, this trait is unchecked. So I know I could never give my heart to someone else with this quality.  And I don’t fault him because I think we are two peas in a pod.

Conclusion

           With these three men, I created the perfect man. I was stimulated mentally, emotionally and sexually.  From the experiences of myself and other women, I find that it is a difficult search, finding a man who can gratify my brain, my heart and my vagina.  Hell, it is a process just to find a good man, let alone the right man with whom I am actually compatible with.  It has been my experience that many well respectable and intelligent men can’t hold it down in the bedroom while men who are assholes can lay down the pipes. Sex is great, but sex will only take you so far. But at the same time, if you don’t have sparks in the bedroom, it can lead you looking elsewhere to find that spark.  So what is a woman to do? I am still figuring that out because I like to have my cake and eat it too.

          Question, if you have to choose two out of the three (the brain, the heart, and the vagina), what would the two be? Men substitute vagina with penis.

* Dedicated to my Cleo roomie, "Dude It's Me" because we are just a like. Double trouble!