Having Sex like a Man

“Women’s hearts are in their vaginas!” My sorority sister told me. Meaning, when a female gives herself sexually, she also gives her partner her heart. Every time I am involved with a man sexually, I hear her words echo in my head. I envy men because many times men can have sex without becoming emotionally attached. Conversely, every time I have sex, I feel like I’m at risk of becoming emotionally involved. However, I once proved this theory wrong when I was sixteen.

Three days after my sweet sixteenth birthday, I lost my virginity to my high school boyfriend, Lamar Gibs. It was an unplanned, heat of the moment event. Where many women experience immense pain due to their hymen breaking, I experienced great pleasure. After my first sexual experience, I was hooked on having sex with Lamar. Although the sex was addicting and he was my first, I didn’t have an emotional connection toward him because I was shallow and vain. Even though Lamar gave me great physical pleasure, I was not physically attracted to him, and was ashamed to be seen in public with him. During my last two years of high school, I felt I was way to cool to be seen with an ugly person. Sadly I was so vain and shallow that I broke up with him right before my junior and senior proms so that I would not have to take him. If Lamar, would mention going out on a date such as dinner or movies, I would tell him lets order food in or grab a bootleg DVD in order not to have to go out in public with Lamar.

My supposed love was lust. My lust was evident to everyone but Lamar and I. I mistreated Lamar so many times, but in his eyes I could do no wrong. I kept Lamar around and said “I loved you” in order to appease him because I didn’t want to share him with anyone else. He was my penis in a glass container, and I wanted him at my beck and command whenever I snapped my fingers. In addition, I was in love with someone else. My mistreatment of Lamar was so evident that many of my high school friends began to view me as a cold hearted and egotistical female. Even the person I loved admitted he thought I would make a horrible girlfriend because I seemed incapable of loving someone more than myself.

As terrible as my behavior to Lamar was, I reflect upon my relationship with Lamar because it shows me that women can have sex and not catch feelings. I was successful in not catching feelings because in my eyes Lamar had fatal flaws, I found him repulsive and without life goals. So I could have mind blowing sex with him a million times, and not be caught up in the typical emotional rollercoaster ride women are known to ride when they have sex.

Over the years, I’ve changed from the selfish and narcissistic person I was in high school. However, my teenage sexual relationship with Lamar exemplifies that women’s hearts are not always in the vaginas. I had no emotional strings to Lamar; as a result, I believe the trick is having sex with a companion whose flaws are blatant. Your partner’s flaws must affect you in a way that causes you to feel embarrassment, annoyance, contempt or repulsiveness. Whatever feeling surfaces it must be so apparent and obvious to prevent you from giving your heart away after you engaged in sexual relations. Consequently, a woman can have an orgasm in peace without her feelings getting involved.