“Obsessed by a fairy tale, we spend our lives searching for a magic door and a lost kingdom of peace.” ~Eugene O'Neill
Many little girls are told fairy tales about prince charming saving the distressed princess from an evil monster. At the end of the fairy tale, the princess and her prince charming live happily ever after. As a result of fairy tales, many young girls start romanticizing about falling in love with a man who will be their very own prince charming. These impressionable girls began to think their supposed prince charming will sweep them off their feet and rescue them from danger or evil monsters. Susceptible little girls become women still holding tight to the naïve dream of living happily ever after with their prince. As a result of fairy tales, they continue to believe they will find unconditional love which will endure to the end of time and withstand adversities
I am sorry to burst the bubble about finding prince charming and living happily ever after, but it's time somebody did. Not only do we have fairy tales presenting false illusions in the minds of adolescent girls, we also have movies such as Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Romeo & Juliet, Love and Basketball, Love Jones, The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, Casablanca, and Pretty Woman which also encourage fictitious notions that love will conquer all, and all will be merry. Silly little rabbits! As many women grow up, they fail to realize and accept that there is no such thing as prince charmings and happy ever after. The reality is prince charming was crucified during the first century A.D. He was the last man to walk the earth that forgave all sin, cured the sick and blind, and possessed the ability to love unconditionally. Hence, women can search high and low all over the world or on global websites for prince charming, but their search is in vain.
Niccolò Machiavelli described a man’s love best, “Love endures by a bond which men, being scoundrels, may break whenever it serves their advantage to do so.” Machiavelli pronounces man as being ungrateful, fickle, deceitful, selfish, cowardly and jealous. Machiavelli further states, “Men have less scruple in offending one who is beloved than one who is feared, for love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage.” In applying Machiavelli’s opinion of man, a man whether good or bad can never amount to prince charming because he is flawed by imperfections; his love isn’t everlasting or unconditional, and he is incapable of possessing superhero power.
Even if a woman has a good man in her life, love alone does not guarantee a couple will end up happy ever after like they do in fairy tales. In actuality, love is half the battle. A relationship is more like an emotional roller coaster that can leave women feeling so high, but also leave women at a heart breaking low. Today, deception and infidelity are so common and prevalent that they suck all the happiness and joy out of relationships. Divorce rates have skyrocketed to the point that insurance companies are now providing divorce insurance to provide financial assistance to cover divorce proceedings. Thus, farewell happy ever after, and damn you for never existing!
So ladies, get your head out of the clouds and back in reality. Love is a battlefield not a fairytale. In the future, society should be careful telling little girls fairy tales because when tragedy or heartbreak strikes, these grown up women will be too busy in make believe land to see it arise. Consequently, they will end up damsels in distress realizing their fake prince charming is incapable of saving them, or worse, he is actually the villain himself.
* Dedicated to Maia Woods AKA Maia the Bee; Cidne Kaelyn Bowen AKA Lil Nini, Taylor Symone Crable, and Bella Anna Wooten
I really like the title. Because love is definitely a battlefield and if you don't fight back you will get pummeled. You have to always be on guard ready to strike back. More imprtantly, listen to your instincts and at the first sign of distress, handle the situation or be done with. But on the other hand, my Taylor Symone is a princess and she should expect every man to treat her as such. Meaning not accepting the bs that may come her way, regardless of the situation. I want her to have the attitude like, Do you know who I am. I am the prize in this situation and I should be treated as such.
ReplyDeleteLol, unfortunately she maybe your "princess" but even a princess can become a damsel in distress due to a villain or evil monster. Additionally, we must all fall at the hands of a monster, but the key is getting back up and learning the lesson for the next round. Taylor will be good because she has her Auntie Nini.
ReplyDeleteI never really understood love movies such as "The Notebook." I think it portrays love as instantaneous and without logical thought which is what woman may parallel a man that they love, will have. This isn't always the case.
ReplyDeleteHowever, within love movies, I think the man has been portrayed accurately. Not to bash my own gender, but some men might come through and save the damsel in distress but also have their own character flaws, such as in Love & Basketball. But in most cases, we don't see those character flaws which makes girls who turn into women, imagine their men as perfect.
The thing is you r so right. It doesn't matter how we are raised or how we raise our daughters its inevitable that they will still be hurt by a man at some point in their lives. That may be one of the deepest pains that we feel as women but we must know that there's a man better than the last. He may lack something as everyone does. I am a woman and I've never loved a man unconditionally. No matter how good or bad he was to me he still lacked something. The realization is that we as humans are hard to please. It's not just the men...
ReplyDeleteI hear what you are saying however I marvel at how women seem to ignore the character flaws that they have while living in a fantasy world. I believe the reference to the evil of "man" is really referring to the evil hearts of mankind in general. Yes men, and women, have the ability to be foul, but the solution is to have what you call the only prince charming living inside you. Once you allow Christ into your heart and follow him as a true disciple...your innate evil character will transform to His...love is a decision which if you seek Christ before you decide heartache will be avoided if you listen. So we need to teach our daughters to seek God's face before they decide to give their hearts in "love"
ReplyDeleteYour theory is true there is danger in teaching our daughters the the fairy tale. However, the problem is not that we aren't teaching them to find flaws in the prince. The real issue is we are not teaching them to acknowledge the flaws in themselves. You can't go into a relationship and look for the perfect person, because you are not perfect either. We should teach our daughters to look to themselves first. Better you before you off and go " better " someone else. When more women start on that journey it will be a lot easier to spot the "evil" in their lives.
ReplyDeleteThere are many grown women who live in la la land. They know fairy tales are fiction, but have not fully accepted it. These irrational dreamers are flawed because they are not realistic. They want something they can't have. Some women try to change men into their idea of "prince charming". When it backfires, then they wonder why. I can think of other things women do that are unrealistic just to atleast try to create a perfect relationship or an image of one. Any woman who becomes involved with a man, should accept who he is and not his potential. In addition, she should realize that love is half the battle, and love comes with hardships. Once she comes to terms with the above, she will have a better foundation to start a relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhile you may have a point that movies and fairy tales may depict a life of which most women today struggle with but i think it rightfully portrays hope that there is a chance for true love and happily ever after and through it all the battles and tribulations there will be a silver lining, and thats if your willing to fight you will be with your love living happily ever after. That hope runs hand and hand with faith. As for your Machiavelli quotes, your using them out of context. The book "The Prince" was a great philosophical read, one of my favorites behind the apology by Plato. In context that passage reads "Here a question arises: whether it is better to be loved than feared, or the reverse. The answer is, of course, that it would be best to be both loved and feared. But since the two rarely come together, anyone compelled to choose will find greater security in being feared than in being loved.Love endures by a bond which men, being scoundrels, may break whenever it serves their advantage to do so; but fear is supported by the dread of pain, which is ever present." This argument is a logical extension of his assessments of human nature and virtue. In the first place, people will become disloyal if circumstances warrant. In the second in the book the prince’s ultimate goal is to maintain the state, which requires the obedience of the people. From these two points, it follows that between benevolence and cruelty, the latter is the more reliable. Machiavelli never advocates the use of cruelty for its own sake, only in the interests of the ultimate end of statecraft. So just to reiterate to give up on true love or happily ever after and this is my own personal opinion is to give up on life, life is love and love is what you make it.
ReplyDeleteYes, I read "The Prince" too. I know the Machiavelli quote was used to answer a question of whether it is best to be feared or loved. Machiavelli advices leaders against relying on love because mankind is fickle and erratic. I am aware his quote as a whole is to be applied to mankind (women included). That being said, I was simply using the flaws that Machiavelli illustrated to argue why it is pointless for women to believe in prince charming and happily ever after. If mankind is flawed then the search for a fairy tale prince charming to live happily ever after is in vain. Therefore, women "need not dwell on dreams and forget to live." (Dumbledore from Harry Potter).
ReplyDeleteReaders,look for a future post on the how Machiavelli's advice to leaders can be applied to lovers :-)
Wow.
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree that no man (or woman) is perfect, I can't say that I agree love is battlefield, anymore than I can say believe that life is a battlefield. Love, just like life, is what you make it.
So let's revisit this fairytale thing. If we look at modern fairy tales you might say they all have a happy ending, but let's not forget that modern fairy tales were written for children. The original fairy tales talked about life (with sexual references and all) and were tailored for kids). When they got changed to become "kid friendly" I think they lost some of their edge. Fairy tales, just like fables, were meant to explain life. Easier to do when you break it down so every thing ends all nice and neat right?
Secondly, some of them found love but it wasn't all sugar plums and gum drops when they got there. Cinderella lived happily ever after, but she was a servant to her evil step-family for YEARS. None of them got reward without sacrifice, it's just that love was the reward. I'd even go so far as to say that the stories represent just a moment in time in the lives of the characters therein. As far as those movies, same deal.
Neither those movies or those stories substitute for real time examples, which is why I think it's important for mothers, daughters, fathers, and sons to have conversations about those things. Better yet, children can just look at real life around them. (Married) Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles argue, but they might still love each other. Hell, so do siblings, cousins, and friends.
Damn I should have just wrote a post in response..LOL!
Lol, I agree you should have written a post and then linked it to my blog.
ReplyDeleteFrom my experiences and observation of other people's experiences, I still stand by that love is a battlefied because you are going through ups and downs with your loved one. I also believe life is battlefield because you going to face success,harship and failure. I think we will always be battling something through out life and love. A few examples of life and love struggles are drug addictions; cancer; domestic abuse; depression; sex disputes; child support; infidelity; pregnancy;and poverty.
In life we will always be fighting some battle or some demon. Sometimes the battle is within. But regardless , we must either fight or perish. I believe each morning we choose to either move forward or to give up.
I agree we even see fairy tale characters with life and love battlefields. However, I hope that no matter what struggle a woman faces, she does not look to a man to always save the day. When a couple enters a relationship, I hope both parties realize staying together is not an easy task. It is a fight to preserve relationships. Now a days, it is so easy to fall out of love or divorce because shit isn't happily ever after. Now a days, when the love runs out so do the parties. Hence, my farewell to happy ever after!
I think comment should also be a blog post too!
Love you all for commenting and supporting my blog
It's not any movies fault. It's Beyonce's. She got all these women gassed. Life is about relationships and bonding. You can go on with ya independent ass straight to loneliness ya bum.
ReplyDeleteNo Beyonce and Destiny's Child were confused. First it was "Gotta Pay My Bills" then it was "Idependant Woman".
ReplyDelete